One that never seems to end. One that spreads. One that moves in to your heart; and squeezes it. One that makes everybody think if their initial perception of me was right. One that makes you feel that I'm not who you thought I was. One that tells you that I need an end. One that tells you I am going to narrate a very long, irritating and perhaps, boring story. One that hopefully inspires. One about the ghost of my past.
I'm not perfect. I'm not sharp. I only sharpened a very small percentage of my wits recently. I needed some time. But I wasn't given the time. I wasn't given a chance to really tell you who I really am.
When you asked me that kind of questions, I faded out. I melted. I went mad. I couldn't count my fingers because they were trembling. Not with fear, no. It was something else. I have not figured it out, though.
I used to keep those tiny little things in the tiny little portion of my mind, brain and maybe, heart. I used to get the jitters when I saw your picture. I used to get the jitters when I heard your name. I used to get the jitters when I saw you, even if you were far away.
I remember the times when I seemed to have this radar with which I could sense your presense. I remember the times when everybody faded into the background, and I saw only you. I remember the times when the rest of the world appeared to be in grey-scale whereas you were in full HD colour. I remember the times when I pretended that I did not see you even though I obviously did.
The time I saw you when you weren't supposed to be there. The times you asked me to sit with you. The times we sat close together. The times we smiled and played together.
... But it's done for. It's all gone. It went with the wind. I don't know if I'd get another chance.
Recently, your image in my brain is blurred. It's in fact, Gone. I can't see you. I forgot how you looked when you smiled. I forgot how you looked in repose. I forgot how you looked when you were laughing. I see images but I can't see your face. Your face is just an outline. I can only see the various poses.