today during cat class, we had stations of the cross. it was outdoors and it was darned warm.. lucky not mid-aft.. if not sure zuasi.. but of course, what i was going through can nvr be comparable to the suffering of my saviour.. i need to sell feast day tickets but i forgot to ask how much to sell them for so to summarise it, i'm nt gnna sell a single ticket.
i just realised that i have not prep the stuff that i need to bring for the NRIC reg.. haiz.. i've got a headache. or is it giddiness.. idk sia.. it's just rattling my pea-sized brain.. i'm so idk.. argh! Gnna reg for NRIC.. oh man.. that reminds me that i'm gnna be halfway to 30 soon.. oh gosh.. i dun wanna grow up.. TT.. i wanna be young forever though it is not possible..[not even a single chance] didi is so bad to say tht i'm old.. i'm nt ok.. i'm nt even older by you by exactly one year..[if i am, then i would admit that i am old. or would i?] gahhs.. i'm still doing speech.. tomoro might kenna so must rush it out today no matter what. expo forum is done.. i think it is not workable on my laptop only lah cause it's prob not vista-compatitable.. i'm still having a headache/giddiness.. TT..
feel like slacking. but i know i can't.. tsktsk..
it is just so darned difficult to explain.. i don't think i'll ever tell you that you are the one i like.. maybe you know but you just wanna pretend like you don't.. i feel like asking you to go and die.. but i can't bring myself to do so.. i seriously can't concentrate when you are within close proximity.. it's like you are so near yet so far.. get what i mean? it is hard for me.. it is tearing my heart apart like how you would tear paper into teeny-weeny pieces.. my heart is like a piece of wastepaper.. and you are tearing it up cause it is of no use to you and it is taking up the space in your life.. i'm not very impt to you.. am i? i have nvr been so crazy over a guy.. not even ex-crushes manage to make me go so.. idk.. my heart breaks everytime.. idk.. why must it be so hard.. do you know that my heart is breaking into a hundred million pieces.. do you know i decided to work hard so that i can get into a good JC and prob get to see you there.. do you know that i can spend pages of my diary describing you and i would nvr end.. do you know.. do you know that smtimes i feel like such a.. such a noob? can't you see it? it is so darned obvious.. are you that blind? maybe you are not.. but i feel that even if you do like me, we still cannot be together.. why am i such a dumbass? why must this be so difficult? WHY? you know smtimes i feel like you are looking through me.. like you can't see me.. am i that insignificant? am i that un-important? it is not important though, whether you like me or not.. i just hope you can be happy with the choice that you make.. and i just hope that i can protect you and be there for you forever.. my heart will probably break into thousand billion zillion etc pieces.. but that's the sacrifice i have to make.. that's the chance i'm willing to risk.. and all for you.. 사랑해. i typed this korean expression on instinct.. and i got it right on the first try.. does that mean anything? maybe not.. i just wanted to say I Love You.. that's what i think.. deep inside..